Monopoly empire
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The 2014 Corvette Stingray is
the fastest piece on the board

By Charlie Capen

MONOPOLY, the unequivocal War and Peace of board games, has a few amazing things going for it.

First, it teaches several important lessons about stealing your parents’ money and how to gloat when they can’t pay you back for a change. Second, it ruminates on the kind nature of capitalism and the value of ownership. If you’ve never seen an 8-year-old demanding to collect money from a teenager, it’s a sight to behold. Third, the game never ends, so competitors are taught that “going to sleep” and “giving up” are basically always the same thing.

But it has its share of challenges, too. Namely when you begin the game.

                   
                    If you’ve ever played MONOPOLY you
                    know that one of the most crucial
                    moments comes when you CHOOSE
                    YOUR TOKEN. When I was a kid, some
                    of the eight tokens—which then consisted
                    of the wheelbarrow, the battleship, the
                    thimble, the shoe (or boot if you’re high
                    fashion like that), the Scottie dog
                    (my aunt’s preference), the top hat, the
                    race car and the iron—were awesome
                    while others were definitely not cool.
                    Arguing over who got which piece was
                    the preamble MONOPOLY needed, as
                    if the game itself were saying, “Quick, let’s
                    get in the spirit and vie for stuff!”

Now you might think that the game is about earning money, buying property and evicting your loved ones, but you’d be wrong! It’s all about the token. Let me repeat: The key to your success is the token you choose at the start of the game. So don’t make a huge mistake and grab the wrong one.

Thankfully, that choice just got easier.

When I heard that Chevrolet’s 2014 Corvette Stingray would be playing the role of the race car in the Empire edition of the game, I had to find out more. As we all know, you handle your token a lot. How lame did you look with a thimble bouncing along property tiles? Personally, I’d rather rev the engine of a Corvette Stingray than wear a stinky shoe, but I’m crazy like that. While it’s old news that not all tokens are equally awesome, the new (golden!) Stingray most definitely takes the cake.

Think about it. It’s obviously the fastest piece on the board; it gets great gas mileage, which becomes seriously important as you roll into hour 12 of gameplay; and lastly, it’s the coolest-looking piece there is. My previous go-to’s were the top hat and, because I’m old school, the iron. But no longer.

I’ve got a ride that says, “I own Coca-Cola and Samsung (MONOPOLY EMPIRE’s version of Boardwalk and Park Place)—plus the utilities, chumps!”

So remember: When you start this new version of the game, grab that Corvette.

The trademarks mentioned in this story are held by their respective owners.

Charlie Capen is a writer, actor and digital strategist living in Los Angeles with his wife and kids. He is co-founder of HowToBeADad.com and Director of Online Engagement for 20th Century Fox Television. He is also allergic to sleep.

 

 

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